Galway Advertiser 2008/GA_2008_03_27/GA_2703_E1_020.pdf 

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Galway Advertiser

March 27 2008

NEWS

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FASHION

BEAUTY

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H E A LT H

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LIFE

MARY O'CONNOR Twenty-one ways to boost your self esteem
1. Make a list of the things you are good at and another one of those you find challenging. Do something from the first list every day. That will make you feel good. As your confidence increases try something from the challenging list. 2. Ignore the "can'ts" that normally govern your life and work on the "dos". If you bombard your mind with negatives you will end up feeling dispirited. When you think "I could not go on holiday on my own or quit my job" ask yourself why not. The same thinking can apply to working part-time, losing weight, getting fit or learning to hang-glide. 3. Reward yourself if you attempt something difficult or frightening, if someone has been nasty to you or if you feel miserable. 4. People tend to feel confident if they look well so make the most of your appearance. Look at fashion magazines and television programmes and pick up tips about the latest looks and how best to wear these. Consider a makeover if you are not happy with your look, get a new hairstyle, watch your diet and start exercising. Learn to recognise signs of stress and ward these off with a scented bath, meditation, conversation with a good friend or long walk. 5. Be gentle with yourself. Respect your feelings and express them. Cry if you feel sad, scream or thump your pillow if you are angry and if you are happy, laugh out loud. 6. Learn to say "no". Self esteem is all about knowing and valuing yourself. It also means understanding and knowing your worth. Do not feel obliged to say "yes" when you really want to say "no". Practise doing this on a small scale at first until you have built up enough self confidence to take on bigger issues. 7. Accept you may not be able to do certain things. Give yourself permission not to be good at everything you do. 8. Aim to beat self defeating thinking. Many of us hold negative opinions of ourselves and bombard our minds with these images. It is important to establish if these evaluations are based on fact, most are not. Then make a conscious decision to try to stop putting yourself down mentally. People tend to offend in this regard regularly, they tell themselves they are stupid/useless/talentless. 9. Incorporate more positive self-talk in your life. How often do you say positive things to yourself such as "I did a good job" or "I approached that situation well"? Chances are you rarely do it. Instead of saying "I can't" break the habit by saying "I can". 10. Live for the moment. Relax and enjoy things as they happen. Do not waste valuable time worrying about tomorrow or you will not have time to do anything now. 11. Aim for regular achievements, no matter how small. Make sure they are things within your reach, such as learning to drive, going back to college or moving house. Do not give yourself an impossible goal such as shedding two stone in a week. Unrealistic goals will only result in disappointment and sap your confidence. 12. Remember, you do not have to excel at everything. Find your talent and build on it. 13. Any form of change or indeed learning something new is often accompanied by feeling scared, nervous, stressed and under confident. This is normal behaviour. 14. Do not waste time or energy looking back. You should not spend your life feeling guilty or resentful about events in the past. If something is chipping away at your self confidence try to get it sorted out. Maybe you need to lay an unhealthy relationship to rest, draw up a better work/life balance or seek help to stop events from yesterday impacting negatively on your life now. 15. Reach out for help if you need it. We all need support at times. Recognise your limitations and lean on others from time to time. 16. Devote time to self development. A strong sense of selfesteem is important because how we feel about ourselves affects how we act and react. It is vital to a healthy life and state of mind. Low self-esteem can result in self-doubt, stress, constantly questioning yourself and your judgments, relationship problems, underachievement and a grey sky attitude to life. It can also result in you taking every hint of criticism to heart, mulling over mistakes you have made and focusing too much on perceived imperfections in your appearance and personality make-up. 17. Review your day each evening and examine how it has contributed to your quality of life. Congratulate yourself on any achievement - not losing your temper with someone difficult, managing to cajole a reluctant child into doing her homework or walking home instead of taking the bus. 18. Adopt a step-bystep approach to projects or goals that you find overwhelming as you build up your confidence. Challenges should be broken down into segments and punctuated by pleasure activities to make surmounting them easier. 19. Do not be afraid to take risks. Most of us want to stay in a comfort-zone, settling for security and often boredom. Growth involves change, so go for it! It need not be anything drastic. Any small alteration to your routine will give you a feeling of liberation and achievement. 20. The important thing to remember when working on your self esteem is to direct your mind to what you want, not what you do not want. So instead of saying "I want to ditch my inferiority complex/lack of self confidence" tell yourself "I will be confident/I will believe in myself." Use reminders to help you. Stick your goals on little cards and put them on the fridge, bathroom or the car dashboard. Be sure to review your progress regularly and pat yourself on the back for coming so far. 21. Once you have succeeded in building up your confidence guard it like the crown jewels. Do not let anyone chip away at it. Avoid people who try to pull you down or make you feel diminished.