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Galway Advertiser 2007/2007_09_13/GA_1309_E1_020.pdf
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Galway Advertiser
September 13 2007
NEWS
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FASHION
BEAUTY
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H E A LT H
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LIFE
MARY
Imagine if you were 10-years-old and lived in fear of attending school each day. You hated getting up in the morning and felt sick at the thought of what lay ahead. The name calling, the mocking, your possessions being kicked about and you being excluded from games and conversations by some of your classmates. That's what it is like to be bullied. About 31 per cent of primary school children and 16 per cent of second level students are victims of bullying. Eileen Kelly, a psychologist who works with the Galway diocese, says far too many children's schooldays are blighted by bullying. `While a lot of lip service is paid to bullying a resolution continues to evade us. Some schools have their finger on the pulse and bullying is kept to a minimum but there are still far too many children for whom returning to school is a nightmare." She describes bullying as "intentional, repeated behaviour which occurs without provocation and involves an imbalance of power". Bullies abuse normal social power. "Bullying is a complex social or group phenomenon," she says. "We, humans are social beings. When we gather together, especially on a regular basis, there is always the potential for bullying to occur. Ambiguous situations, where no, or few, clear rules exist, offer an opportunity for someone to `take over'. "For instance, where discipline is lax in a classroom bullying often occurs. The typical scenario is where there are a lot of messages from the environment, a lot of activity, who is good at what, what is important in this situation and little clarity as to who is in control. To the potential bully this is the key. That is why bullying is more prevalent in certain classes while other classes will never become places of bullying."
O'CONNOR
Dealing with school bullying
School bullies are more likely than others to break the law when they reach adolescence, says Eileen Kelly, a psychologist.
Push the boundaries
She says for the same reason playgrounds and school buses [where there is little or, frequently, no adult supervision] are ripe for bullying to occur. The bully will ask .. `If I push the boundaries will I get away with it...can I manipulate those in authority to get my way?' A common experience is for the `teacher's pet' to become the bully. For these reasons clear rules must become part of the solution. Bullies are not necessarily "bad" people, she says. "They are people who believe they can make their own rules to suit their needs and this knowledge will frequently have been reinforced at home. The child who bullies will have learned to manipulate situations from a very young age." Contrary to popular belief children who become bullies do not necessarily have low self esteem, she explains. "Rather they have abnormally high self esteem to the point that they see nothing wrong with attempting to
`lord it' over their peers." That is why intervention is necessary. The feeling of being in control is very powerful. It becomes a self-reinforcing situation and the bully sees no reason to stop until someone in authority takes back control. The psychologist says bullies often move from one victim to another unless they are taken to task. "Therefore intervention needs to be extensive and pervasive as the child doing the bullying needs ongoing reminders the their behaviour is not going to be tolerated. This intervention must be in place long enough to affect the power structure in the particular circumstance. The bully needs to get the message that those in authority know what is going on and are prepared to take steps to stop it."
Protecting the victim
Ms Kelly stresses the primary responsibility for protecting the victim lies with the school rather than the student. "The bullying incidents must be
addressed and stopped in the context within which they occur. In other words, the pattern of bullying behaviour must be stopped where it happens. Bullies often need to re-learn how to behave appropriately. They need to be taught how to behave socially as their controlling experience will have become a habit. "Frequently also, bullies will have mastered the skill of resistance at home at an early age. Over time their motivation in interacting with others has become an issue of control. Power, domination and control are their primary motivators." Helping bullies see the error of their ways and learn how to behave appropriately is important not only for their victims but for the bullies themselves. "Bullies do not do well later on. Research tells us that bullying behaviour may be an early indicator of an anti-social behaviour pattern. Bullying behaviour is among the warning signs of later highly aggressive behaviour. School bullies are more likely than others to break the law when they reach adolescence.
They also perform less well at school and have more medical problems." There is no one profile of a victim, she says. Frequently they are in the wrong place at the wrong time. "However as the bullying behaviour is repeated and becomes established a pattern is quickly formed. Telling a victim to `stand up for themselves' is wrong for a number of reasons. Firstly, implicit in that suggestion is the notion that the victim is somehow to blame. Secondly, appearing to blame the victim can reinforce the bullying behaviour, and thirdly by the time a parent or teacher has heard about the problem the bully is already in control and the pattern of victimhood has already been established for the victim."
Stop the bully
While is important to help victims assert themselves the first priority is to stop the bully's behaviour. "When a student is bullied verbally the child is given direct messages about himself or herself. When this is repeated over time the victim may
begin to believe the messages. It is important for those trying to assist the victim to look at the content of the messages and counter or reframe in some way so that the victim will begin to view himself or herself more positively." What can be done to prevent bullying? Eileen Kelly says firstly, schools need to acknowledge that bullying occurs in "most, if not all schools". "Also, the notion that the victim is somehow to blame, must be able to `take it' or `fight back' is totally rejected. There needs to be in place a set of clear rules explaining specific behaviour standards, ie, a code of conduct with norms of safety and respect and most of all a clear message that the rules are being enforced through adequate adult supervision. "Staff who will listen must be identified so that students feel that it is safe to report bullying problems. In that way a message is conveyed to students that bullying is wrong, will not be tolerated and is not the victim's fault."