Galway Advertiser 2007/2007_05_24/GA_2405_E1_020.pdf 

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Galway Advertiser

May 24 2007

NEWS

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FASHION

BEAUTY

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H E A LT H

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LIFE

MARY

O'CONNOR

Managing the male menopause
He is 50, withdrawn, moody and lethargic. He is angry that he is losing his hair, slim waist and 20/20 vision. When he catches sight of himself in a mirror he is shocked at the image that looks back at him. Surely, that crumpled, jaded figure is not me, he asks himself mournfully. Like most men he will cope silently with this mid-life challenge, maybe drinking a few extra pints to take the edge off his concerns and occasionally flirting with girls young enough to be his daughters in a bid to convince himself that his virility is still a force with which to be reckoned. Few people associate mid-life crises with men, probably because in the past they were seen as invulnerable, a group conditioned since birth to be macho. They were not considered emotional beings and were expected to cope admirably with whatever challenges life presented. In more recent times, the term male menopause is being attributed to symptoms, such as lethargy, lack of sex drive, depression, irritability, fatigue and discontent with one's lot. The British Medical Journal reported research carried out by doctors in London's Harley Street which concluded that men do indeed suffer from the equivalent to the female menopause. Alan Delahunty, a local psychologist and relationship therapist, believes men face a mid life transition from about 40 to 55 years. This stage can take place within two to five years of this guideline, he says. "This a time when they reflect and look back on their early years. They re-evaluate how their aims, goals and values compare with the reality of today. They ask themselves what they have done with their lives. In the context of our society, men begin to be concerned with their inner world while women become concerned with their external world." income men, for instance, in mid-life they were looking at the next promotion. Now there are less permanent jobs with built-in promotion available to them. They are wondering will they have a job. Will they be able to retain their lifestyle? "There are also more women in the workforce, especially successful career women. Fathers no longer rule the house and generally, male authority is less absolute. (While this is seen as a good thing in the wider social context it can be difficult for men to accept.)" Several stressful experiences which can demand adjustment and change can occur at mid-life, according to the psychologist. "A man may have to cope with a rebellious adolescent or the first child leaving home. This may challenge the father to reassess his life/values/goals. Has he put too much time/commitment into career and work issues at the expense of his family? Is it too late to form a closer relationship with his children? If this is a concern I'd suggest looking at appropriate ways of reconnecting with them, such as taking the young lad to a basketball match or circus. "The man may also be facing becoming a parent-in-law or grandfather or being a carer to ageing, dependant parents. Or his partner may be going through a mid-life crisis, too. Unresolved difficulties from childhood, such as relationship problems with his father who may now be dying, may result in these feelings resurfacing. These stresses can come on top of career stress. One at a time these situations are manageable."

Cluster of problems
However, when several changes occur at the same time, this cluster of problems can create a crisis, he explains. "He may find he is playing many roles simultaneously. When a man feels there is an urgent time component to these transitions he tends to panic. For instance, one of his children may be leaving home for college and his own father may be dying. If any of these issues connect with difficulties he experienced in his own childhood eg, a poor relationship with his father, this can further complicate the problem." He advises men grappling with a number of challenges to be kind to themselves and give themselves time. "If you are going through a difficult stage, give yourself time. Some go into a panic and want to sort everything out overnight. Accept that challenges

Men face a mid life transition from about 40 to 55 years, says Alan Delahunty, a local psychologist.

A crisis
For some, this can be a difficult but manageable time. However, for two to five per cent it can represent a crisis. "For most men this transition is positive. They have made a few bob, are socially established and have power in society. For a small number however it becomes a crisis. In my own practice over the past few years I've noticed a large increase in such difficulties. My colleagues have also commented on this." He attibutes this rise to the fact that men's role in life has changed rapidly. "In previous generations with middle-

like this are a normal part of life. The more normal you see things the easier it is to cope. Try not to see this phase negatively as a closing of options. See yourself as an individual, a man, husband, father, grandfather and realise you can increase your options." Many middle aged men complain of feeling tired and having a diminished sex drive and fear these are all signs of advancing years. This plunges them further into despair.

A transition
"Often, these symptoms are more related to the stress of negotiating a transition period than the effects of ageing on his body. Smoking, excessive preoccupation with career, excessive drinking and overeating are

believed to play a significant role in the development of concerns about sexual inadequacies and performance in older men. Mid-life men can reassure themselves as there is evidence that intelligence, other abilities and drives do not necessarily decrease with age." Some men decide to change their lifestyles drastically at this time and "go off the rails", eg, leave their wife for a younger woman. "An example of this is the artist Gauguin. He abandoned his career as a stockbroker and his family to go to the South Pacific as a painter." Most however negotiate this midlife phase well. Alan Delahunty says it is important to remember that this stage is a natural part of maturing. "The traditional way for men in

Irish society was to bottle up concerns. This transition can be negotiated easier if the man can discuss it openly with his partner and if possible with other men. The more `in touch' a man is with his feelings and the more he is able to express and discuss these with a partner or friend the better he will `navigate' this transition." The two to five per cent of men who get "stuck" at this transition period should consider therapy, he says. "It can be very helpful. It offers a safe and supportive environment to explore the effects of these changes, helps them see the positives in previous decisions and can help free up communication. It can also help the man face his fears and clarify what is now important for him."