Galway Advertiser 2006/2006_06_22/GA_2206_E1_018.pdf 

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Galway Advertiser

June 22 2006

NEWS

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FASHION

BEAUTY

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H E A LT H

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LIFE

MARY O'CONNOR Learning how to mend broken dreams
By now, most of us have probably broken our New Year resolutions. Six months on, our grand plans to give up cigarettes, eat healthily, save money, get a dream job or slot in more "me" time into our daily routine have gone by the wayside. Despite our best intentions it is easy to slip back into familiar behaviour patterns. Research indicates that while many of us set goals or aim to break a bad habit quite a substantial number do not achieve this. Worse still, people are so disheartened when they suffer a setback that they wallow in selfmisery rather than analysing why they failed and vowing to do better next time. Most people fail to achieve their dreams because they are not well defined and they are not sufficiently interested in them, explains Norman Warden, a local psychotherapist. "Often we do not achieve our goals because we have not identified in advance the potential obstacles to reaching our goal. We also tend to have a very negative view of so-called setbacks, ie, resuming smoking. This view actually makes it harder to return to our goals after breaking them. These attempts at giving up something can be compared to learning to ride a bicycle where we usually fall off a few times before eventually managing it. So called setbacks or failed attempts are actually steps forward." Negative thinking may also hinder our efforts, he maintains. He suggests writing down as many reasons as you can why your goals achieve. Be specific, or dreams are important to you. realistic and timerelated. If you want Keep this list close to hand. to lose weight, for instance, decide to eat fruit for lunch from Monday to He stresses it is always possible to Friday, and have pick up the pieces and start again. your favourite meals "Of course, it can be discouraging at the weekends." after putting in so much effort that, He recommends for instance, you start smoking not trying to change again. Remember, that effort is not too many things at wasted but has actually got you the same time. It is closer to the point of giving up." best to concentrate The key is to go easy on yourself on the most (guilt may merely make you smoke significant. If you more or guzzle extra chocs or do decide to make one less in your job which you perceive very big change, as dead-end). Calmly, learn from such as getting a new job, let this your setback and recommence be your main goal. your goals and efforts again. It is important to set realistic If you want to mend your targets, too. Otherwise you will ambitions/dreams, start by re- only feel guilty if you find you defining them, he advises. "This cannot meet them. Do not expect time, really spend time deciding instant results either. which ones you want to make and Breaking free from an unwanted then write them down. Choose habit can be difficult and requires goals you will be more likely to a smart strategy. Start by replacing

20 ways to achieve your goals
1. Select ones you care about and which will benefit you. You'll be more likely to keep those 2. Write them out. If your focus is too scattered, you will limit your chances of success 3. Compete with yourself, not others 4. Try substitution. If you are trying to conquer a bad habit replace it with a good one eg, exercise instead of smoking 5. Seek results, not perfection. Mini-successes count too 6. If you are having difficulty drawing up goals, look at various areas of your life, such as family, work, health, personal relationships, interests, finances, etc, and rate them on a scale of one to 10. Ask yourself about the things you do not want in your life, where you see yourself in five years and what is most important to you. Then, work on achieving these aims 7. Do not expect success without effort 8. Flood your mind with your goals before going to bed and on awakening. The brain is most receptive to change early in the morning when you've just woken up 9. Be kind to yourself. If you suffer a setback, try again 10. Never say never. Do not vow to give up smoking, eating chocolate or drinking alcohol forever. Aim for a day at a time, that way the challenge will not appear so formidable

Try substitution. If you are trying to conquer a bad habit replace it with a good one eg, exercise instead of smoking

11. Do not expect failure and if it occurs, avoid dwelling on it. If you channel your energy into thinking you will fail it will probably become a self fulfilling prophesy. Remember, the only way not to fail is never to strive for success. Learn from where you went wrong and avoid it in the future 12. Ask for help. Go public with your ambitions/goals. Tell family, colleagues and friends that you are looking for a new job/home/giving up impulse buying/cutting up your credit cards. Tell them how they can help 13. Do not give up. Every day can be the start of a new beginning. If you fall by the wayside on June 23 start again on June 24 14. Recalling previous mini-successes will help boost your efforts. Consider the times you were in control, when you were least likely to take part in the old activity and did less of it. Then, try to build more of these helpful occasions into your life. 15. Review your day each evening and examine how it has contributed to your quality of life 16. Challenges should be broken down into segments and punctuated by pleasure activities to make surmounting them easier 17. Do not be afraid to take risks. Most of us want to stay in a comfort-zone, settling for security and often boredom. Growth involves change, go for it!

Pick up the pieces

Most people fail to achieve their dreams because they are not well defined and they are not sufficiently interested in them

Norman Warden, Psychotherapist.

18. The important thing to remember is to direct your mind to what you want, not what you do not want. So instead of saying "I want to lose three stone" tell yourself "I will be nine stone" 19. Use reminders. Stick your goals on little cards and put them on the fridge, bathroom or the car dashboard 20. Gain consolation from the mantra "Success is the result of good judgement. Good judgement is the result of experience. Experience is often the result of bad judgement" * Norman Warden is facilitating a counselling course in Galway in October. For further details visit www.galwaycounselling.com

it with something else. If you want to stop drinking alcohol for example you could decide to spend your spare time walking or cooking or use the money saved to buy a book or some new clothes. If possible, substitute an activity that is diametrically opposed to your undesirable habit. If you over-eat, opt for a healthy pastime."