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Galway Advertiser 2003/2003_05_08/GA_08052003_E1_010.pdf
Saying
NO, N O , no. It sounds easy like that, doesn't it? But most of us do not say it often enough and with sufficient emphasis. So, we waste valuable time regretting agreeing to take on extra work, babysit the children next door or go to the cinema for the third weekend in a row. It is easy to fall into the trap of being a good egg, being always available no matter what the event or how inconvenient it may be. You are the one who drops everything when called upon and are always there for other people. Why do we say "yes" when we really means "no"? Is it because we are afraid of letting people down and want to appear
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nice? It can seem easier to many of their movements and they are not afraid to comply and feel resentful rather than say " n o " and say 'no' to many of the risk beating yourself up demands that are placed on them - in fact it is often with guilt later. word. But it's important to think their favourite of yourself sometimes and Frequently, you see them deliberately pausing before to put your needs first. If you already have a hectic answering questions or per schedule, then looking after forming actions. It is the your own health must be a same with adults who do not live under stressful con priority. ditions." Taking an assertive stand He says adults in indus does not mean you have to be aggressive. You don't trialised society often rush into situations without have to be rude or abrupt if you decide to turn someone thinking about the conse quences, frequently making down. Softening the refusal helps so use the person's mistakes which could have been avoided. first name and maybe say "Taking a moment to stop something like: "I'd really love to help out. and think is not only helpful when carrying out actions, Unfortunately, I'm just not it is also useful during argu available." ments. If we are able to You don't have to give reasons for your decision or pause and calmly put our point across, then we are spent ages trying to justify much more likely to be able it. O t h e r w i s e , you'll tie to achieve our desired result yourself up in knots and might end up saying "yes" than if we react emotionaland defeating the whole i y " exercise altogether. People resist pausing The good thing about because they may see it as saying "no" is that you will pure indulgence, he says. Bras no longer do things grudg ingly and anything you Corsetry agree to will be done with a LEARNING T O heart. SAY ' N O ' & Lingerie PAUSE B E F O R E * Phrasing your refusal in ACTING a positive way can avoid Richard Brennan, the hurt feelings. Say some thing like, "That's a great Galway based author of Stress - The Alternative offer but I'm not in a posi Approach urges people to tion to take advantage of it pause before acting. He at the moment". believes most of us tend to rush into things, not giving * Don't rush in. If you ourselves time to consider tend to make a mess of try issues. ing to say 'no', remember A moment of pausing you will rarely have to give gives us an opportunity to a 'yes' or 'no' answer on the spot. If you are unsure of act with greater conscious turning something or some ness, providing a chance to one down, ask for time to act in a way that is more think about it. If nothing appropriate to the situation, else, this will give you time he says. "Pausing helps to prevent to come up with a good stress, allows the body to excuse. ~~-~^by Ryans remain in a state of freedom 10-12 EGLINTON ST,! and gives us time to think * Try to make the mes Garway clearly. Small children auto sage as clear and simple as matically pause before possible. Keep repeating the ^ Tel: 091 5 6 1 8 9 8 ^
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phase and don't let the other person deflect you by changing the point at issue. Set yourself simple goals at first so you will meet with early success. Start by say ing "no" to annoying ticket sellers or door-to-door salespeople. When you've perfected your assertiveness skills, it will be easier to say "no" to family and friends, work colleagues, etc * You have a right to say "no" and to stand up for
yourself. Many of us have been conditioned since childhood to seek approval and may feel scared at the thought of letting someone down or rejecting an invita tion. By being clear and direct, you will feel and cope better. * There is no easy way of saying no. At times, the best and most painless approach may be simply saying it and getting it over as quickly as possible. This will prevent
misunderstandings. * Sometimes, people won't ask you outright for a favour. They will go about it in a roundabout way, hint ing until you act. If you usually get caught out this way, avoid it in future by not forcing the moment. Wait for them to come clean. Don't leap in. Be sympathetic but firm. Say "I'm sorry you've got that problem", then stop. Don't offer your services unless
you want to.
* Learning how to say "no" is a valuable skill but don't feel you have to be assertive all the time. If you don't feel able to cope with the consequences of a par ticular stance, remember you can choose to say noth ing. However, it is impor tant to be able to exercise your choice on some issues. Choice boosts your sense of empowerment and selfesteem.