Galway Advertiser 2003/2003_03_13/GA_13032003_E1_018.pdf 

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Taming your
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you handle your child's temper tantrums is very important and will help to deter mine how they learn to deal with life's stresses. Tantrums are a normal part of the toddler stage and the fact that your toddler is having them is normal - the challenge for you is how to deal with them.'' Tantrums are common in the pre school years and tend to peak in the 2-3 year old age group - hence the term "the terrible twos", she says. As time goes on their severity and frequency will depend to a large extent on your han dling of them. It is important not to reward tantrums, she says. "For example, if your child gets a treat on threatening a tantrum while you are out shopping, they will probably repeat the process on the next visit to the shop. If however on that first occasion you refuse the treat, despite the howls of distress and the stares of your fellow shoppers, s/he quickly learns that a tantrum will not further their cause." "No, no no" he screams, milk teeth clenched and baby blue eyes glinting. He has Roy Keane's fire and David Beckham's crowd pulling capacity. As you leave the supermarket with this yelling bundle dragging his heels behind you. part of you wishes you had opted for the quiet life and given in to his demands for Tweenies yoghurt and heavily iced buns with a very short shelf life. If you are the parent of a toddler, the above situation will be all too familiar. Unless you've been blessed with an angel, you will know all about the chal lenges of dealing with temper tantrums. One minute your child is smiling sweetly, the next, he is screaming at the top of his voice. It can happen any where (supermarkets tend to be popular places!). You can be guaranteed that you will have an audience as the ear piercing screams worsen and you des perately try to be firm with this out of control child. Anne O'Connor, a Kinvara-based child clinical psychologist who edits the Irish parenting website Rollercoaster, describes temper tantrums as outbursts of aggression which are usually a response to not getting one's own way. "They can be shocking and upsetting for both the child and parent. The way

toddler
children need to be able to communi cate their needs and their cries do serve this purpose. However, the reality of life is that everything we want is not good for us or cannot be obtained immediately and this can be a difficult lesson for a child, she says. "In these days of plenty, it can be very easy to shower children with all the toys and treats they wish. But remember it is important that they learns how to cope with disappoint ments and refusals. The child who is indulged will find it difficult to fit in with the demands of school life, will be unable to understand the concepts of give and take and may be unpopular with their peers." How you deal with tantrums will influence the way your child deals with life's stresses, she says. Even though tantrums can be difficult and frustrating, they will help you teach your child how to cope with frustrating situations and develop lifelong skills. A number of factors affect the fre quency and severity of children's tem per tantrums, says O'Connor. These include:Tiredness - a tired child can be irrita ble Hunger - a hungry child will not be able to cope with any added stress Need for attention - does your child throw tantrums when you are talking to others? How you manage the tantrum - do you give in all the time? Disagreement between parents - does your child play one of you off against the other? Rewarding the child after a tantrum are you so relieved it's over you reward your child? ,, If you are worried about your child's temper tantrums and find them very dif ficult to manage, it may be helpful to keep a diary of them for about a fort night. You may see a pattern develop such as the child getting fractious if he is tired, for instance

E FIXES you with a steely glare and stamps his little foot in protest. W h e n you fail to react, his face begins

It is important not to reward tantrums says Anne O'Connor, a Galway based psychologist.
* Try to see these episodes as opportu nities to teach your child how to handle anger - one of life's most important les sons. * Your child is not throwing the tantrum to 'get' at you - reacting with anger will not make you or your child feel any better. * Slapping a child in the middle of a tantrum, while relieving some of your tension, will not help him calm down and will probably prolong the tantrum. * Look at those times your child tends to have tantrums - is there anything you could do to avoid them ? * Before a tantrum blows up try to distract your child - humour can be a great antidote to anger. * Try to remain calm during the tantrum - make sure your child is safe and ignore the outburst as much as possi ble. * When the tantrum is over get on with what it was you were doing - a short comment is sufficient to signal the end of the tantrum. * Children are often exhausted after tantrums and need to rest - give them an opportunity to do this. * Some little ones are scared by their outburst and may need reassurance that everything is all right after their tantrum. A hug and explanation that mammy/daddy loves them will reassure them that life as they know it has not been damaged by their tantrum. * Sometimes you just need to be patient and trust your instincts. Remain consistent in your approach and this stage will pass.

REALITY OF LIFE
Tantrums are common in the pre that crying and difficult behaviour are school years and tend to peak in ways of getting attention or the object the 2-3 year old age group. they desire, she says. Babies and young
Children can learn from an early age

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TIPS TO DEAL WITH TEMPER TANTRUMS
* Tantrums are normal for the small child and are a way of communicating his/her needs and wants.

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