Galway Advertiser 1991/1991_05_23/GA_23051991_E1_014.pdf
M A R Y O ' C O N
How important is "body language" in day to day life? Is understanding non verbal communication the key to success in business and relationships? And if it is, how can we become fluent in this most univesal of languages?
LET YOUR BODY DO THE TALKING
Management Training Consultant David Stubbs in his book "Assertiveness at W o r k " says tests with posture and relaxation show that they are good indicators of a t t i t u d e a n d s t a t u s towards another person. We usually incline towards people we like not only with our feelings but also with our bodies.
Smiling conveys liking and interest like no words, gestures or feelings express ed in the voice ever can.
Author David Stubbs ex plains the single head nod is often taken for agreement. This can be a mistaken a s s u m p t i o n , he stresses because if the paralinguistics Ah Huh! or Mmmmmmmmmh! are added to the nod, it really only means the other person is following our arguement. They may well wish to disagree later with part or all of the case. It implies per mission to keep on speaking, and as such is a useful gesture in listening. The double or multiple head nod is streets ahead of
' 'It is a well known fact that we increase our pupil size when looking at something that interests us. "
Of course, there are many types of smile, but the real one is an indication of ac ceptance and often an invita tion to get closer to another person in terms of psychological space. This is why salespeople often use this powerful non verbal communication, even when they don*t feel like it. It is an essential in m a k i n g o t h e r s feel welcome and wanted. But beware the artificial or "fixed" smile warns David Stubbs. It is counter productive and is often detected because it is not re inforced by other non-verbal signals. the single nod and is lar more likely to indicate positive agreement. Again, if we add the typical paral inguistics such as yes. yep. right, okay, sure we can detect the difference. Fast multiple head-nods usually imply more than agreement. This normally occurs when whatever we have said has sparked off a relevant memory in the other person. This means we can invite the other person to support our case with a good degree of confidence.
S M I L I N G conveys liking
tually avert our eyes from things that we dislike. Similarly, we often mistrust people who cannot hold our ga/e. calling them shifty. Somebody who wants a child to listen to him may uell say. "Look at me when I am speaking to y o u " . " E y e contact not only shows the importance we at tach to what we or another person is saying: it also con veys our interest in. or ing for. another person
dience: without eye contact men were then asked to we reduce the impact of make a choice of which what we say. women they preferred. Looking at all of them They said they were both equally not only shows we equal in their eyes but, on are talking to them in being pressed, they all chose dividually but that (with the the woman with the dilated supporting language such as eye p u p i l s . " smiling) we are interested in The message from this is them. that we increase our pupil It is a well known fact that size w h e n looking at we increase our pupil size something that interests us. when looking at something The men were not conscious that interests us or that we of the reason for their choice like. but were responding to a ' 'A smile is an subconscious reaction which is in all of us: we cannot essential ingrenormally consciously con dient in making trol our pupil dilation. Because of this, some others feel American advertisers have welcome and discovered it is more ac wanted. curate to measure pupil dila t i o n , r a t h e r than use PUPIL SIZES machines with David Stubbs explains: "like/dislike" buttons with " O n a television p r o lest audiences when they are gramme several male previewing their possible and interest like no words gestures or feelings expressed members of the audience commercials. were selected to assist in an in voice ever can experiment. Identical twin check the other's reactions. If we address a group women were introduced "Assertiveness At It is important to suit our without looking at them we who had been given dif Work - A necessary guide eye contact to what we are are psychologically insulting ferent harmless drugs, one to an essential skill" by saying and to our relation them. It is a general rule not to increase eye pupil dila David R. Stubbs. Pan ships, advises David Stubbs. to turn your back on the au tion, one to decrease it. The Books.
EYEBALL YO EYEBALL
Eyes are very expressive and have not been describ ed as the mirrors of the soul If we think about influen for nothing. cing skills, we mostly think Experts agree we increase of winning over others to eye contact if we want to our way of thinking. Often give a message impact. In when we are putting our creased eye contact is also a case, others good indicator to interrupt but w o is paying close attention h are interested to non verbal communication Says Management Con such as a nod. sultant. David Stubbs: " I n According to the same way as we look there are various meanings more at objects that interest to head nods, besides mean us and less at something that ing that somebody is falling we dislike, so we behave with other people. We ac-
N O D D I N G HEADS
' 'Experts agree we increase eye control if we want to give a message impact.''
If an expert raconteur is waxing lyrical, it is n o i m . i l for everybody to have their eyes riveted on him. If somebody is very close or wants to be very close) to somebody else you can usually notice frequent glances between them when they are in a group as they
we don't w n at m r l to eey so t e hw h y by ha ed t e bo h ok
of s mo e o en
IT fS IMPORTANT
YOUR EYE OUR