Galway Advertiser 1997/1997_04_03/GA_03041997_E1_015.pdf 

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ary O'Connor/? M l
News Views Fashion Features

M a n y o f t h e greatest c h a n g e s p e o p l e u n d e r g o m a y n e v e r b e v i s i b l e to t h e n a k e d e y e . S o m e shift d e e p l y h e l d p e r c e p t i o n s o r preju dices, o r t a k e c o u r a g e in b o t h h a n d s and c o n q u e r a limiting p h o b i a , o r s l o w l y c o m e t o terms w i t h great loss o r b e t r a y a l . S o m e t i m e s , of c o u r s e , c h a n g e is not a p e r sonal c h o i c e and w e m u s t a c c e p t life's e v e n t s . A partner m a y w a l k o u t w i t h o u t w a r n i n g , m o r t g a g e interest rates m a y r o c k e t , w e m a y contract a life t h r e a t e n i n g d i s e a s e o r w i n t h e L o t t o . ( M o s t of u s w o u l d n o t resist t h e c h a n g e s w r o u g h t b y t h e latter, I b e t ) . P s y c h o l o g i s t s say m o s t o f u s find c h a n g e t h r e a t e n i n g , w e fear t h e loss of o u r identity if w e m o v e a w a y from o u r pre-set pattern. T h i s is often w h y w e d o n o t c h a n g e , n o t b e c a u s e w e c a n n o t . S o m e of us resist c h a n g e b e c a u s e of a n e g a t i v e e x p e r i e n c e of it in the past, indeed o u r f a m i l y ' s h a n d l i n g o f c h a n g e m a y s h a p e o u r attitudes to it. T h o s e of us w h o h a v e g r o w n u p s e e i n g t h e benefits o f e m b r a c ing c h a n g e will m o r e r e a d i l y w e l c o m e it into our lives. W h y is c h a n g e i m p o r t a n t ? It is p a r t of o u r striving as h u m a n b e i n g s , s a y s G a l w a y b a s e d psychotherapist and counsellor, Norman W a r d e n . F r o m birth, o u r lives a r e p u n c t u a t e d by c h a n g e . "Life is full of natural p h a s e s w h i c h i n v o l v e great c h a n g e . T h e g r e a t e s t c h a n g e w e will e v e r m a k e is from girl to w o m a n o r b o y to man. We change when we leave the w o m b .

c

Change for the better
b e g i n s c h o o l , l e a v e h o m e , b e g i n n e w roles a n d fall in l o v e , " h e says. " M o s t of those w e c h o o s e o u r s e l v e s . T h e toughest to bear are the o n e s w e h a v e n o control over, u n e x p e c t e d c h a n g e s a n d t h o s e forced u p o n u s . " W e are c o n s t a n t l y u n d e r g o i n g c h a n g e as w e a d a p t from t h e familiar to the unfamiliar, h e s a y s . F e a r o f c h a n g e often i n v o l v e s fear of the u n k n o w n , of losing s o m e t h i n g , of c o n s e q u e n c e s a n d failure. Virtually e v e r y t h i n g in life is potentially stressful t o s o m e o n e , h e says. W h e t h e r you a l l o w a situation to affect y o u adversely d e p e n d s largely on y o u r appraisal a n d ability to c o n t r o l it. " O u r sense of b e i n g in control h a s b e e n b e l i e v e s . T h i s m a y b e b e c a u s e they are m o r e r o c k e d b y reality," says W a r d e n . " W e m a y g o o p e n about their feelings w h i l e m e n tend to o n to try to pretend it h a s n ' t o r w o n ' t occur. s u p p r e s s the stresses associated with c h a n g e . A s reality sinks in, w e m a y feel low in spirits, stressed, anxious a n d angry. A c c e p t a n c e of w h a t s i m p l y is, can follow as w e treat o u r feelings as u n d e r s t a n d a b l e r e a c t i o n s . " H e says, for survival r e a s o n s , w e fear the u n k n o w n . "It is difficult to k n o w h o w to deal with s o m e t h i n g w e h a v e n ' t yet experienced (though learning in a d v a n c e can help), and w e m a y m a k e m a n y n e g a t i v e and inaccurate a s s u m p t i o n s which lead to m o r e fear than necessary. S o m e fear is i m p o r t a n t to motivate us to d o s o m e t h i n g in order to regain a sense of c o n t r o l . " We begin to reorganise ourselves as the n e w territory b e c o m e s m o r e familiar. Often, w e d o this automatically, other t i m e s w e h a v e to w o r k hard to get through this stage. H o w can w e respond m o r e positively to c h a n g e ? "Put your e n e r g y into w h a t you h a v e influence over, respond early rather than later to c h a n g e s and act, not react, to those situa t i o n s , " says the psychotherapist. T h e r e are a l w a y s four possible options o p e n to you w h e n you face a stressful o r u n w a n t e d situation, h e says. "You c a n c h a n g e the situa tion, c h a n g e yourself, i.e. adapt to it, exit from it o r d e v e l o p w a y s of living with it. It is helpful to c h o o s e the o n e y o u h a v e m o s t influence o v e r and focus y o u r efforts on it." W o m e n tend to h a n d l e c h a n g e better, he

h a n g e m e a n s d i f f e r e n t t h i n g s t o d i f f e r e n t p e o p l e . F o r s o m e , c h a n g i n g their b r a n d o f cornflakes represents a m a j o r shift in habit, f o r o t h e r s it's m o r e d r a m a t i c , t h e y q u i t t h e i r j o b s a n d t r a v e l t h e w o r l d , o r b l e a c h t h e i r l o c k s , r e v a m p t h e i r d r e s s s e n s e a n d p r e s e n t a n a l t o g e t h e r d i f f e r e n t face t o t h e w o r l d . O t h e r s m o v e h o u s e , re-marry, t a k e u p parachuting, h a v e a b a b y o r retire.

CRISES
U n a v o i d a b l e life crises face all of u s at s o m e t i m e : separation, b e r e a v e m e n t , e x a m i n a t i o n s , financial struggles a n d family conflict. T h e factor that d e t e r m i n e s h o w t h e s e affect y o u is h o w c o n t e n t and satisfied y o u are with y o u r lifestyle. Stress is m o r e likely to o c c u r if y o u find y o u r s e l f t r a p p e d in a certain w a y of life o r if y o u c a n n o t a m e n d y o u r lifestyle to suit y o u r n e e d s . T o o m u c h c h a n g e c a n over t a x o u r a d a p t i v e r e s o u r c e s c a u s i n g illness. O u r r e s p o n s e s t o c h a n g e c a n v a r y from s h o c k a n d e x c i t e m e n t to fear and j o y , h e says. M a n y p e o p l e e x p e r i e n c e a sense o f s h o c k and d i s o r g a n i s a t i o n w h e n faced w i t h s u d d e n , enforced change.

Norman W a r d e n , Galway based

psychotherapist and counsellor

C o u n t i n g the cost o f change
T H E F O L L O W I N G table, which is compiled by two American experts on stress and change, lists Scoring over 300 points in one year increases your risk of illness, 150 to 299 reduced the risk by 30 a series of positive a n d negative life events valued according to the amount of adjustment needed per cent while a score of less than ISO involves a slight chance of illness. Your personality and ability to cope with them. to cope largely determine how well you react.

LIFE EVENT Death of spouse Divorce Marital separation Imprisonment Death of close family member Personal injury or illness

UNITS 100 73 65 63 63 53

LIFE EVENT UNITS | LIFE EVENT UNITS LIFE EVENT Marriage 50 Sexual difficulties 39 Spouse begins or stops work B e g i n o r e n d school Dismissal from work 47 C h a n g e in financial state 38 T r o u b l e with b o s s Marital reconciliation 45 Major m o r t g a g e 32 C h a n g e in residence Retirement 45 C h a n g e in responsibilities at w o r k 29 C h a n g e in schools Change in health of family member 44 Son or d a u g h t e r leaving h o m e 29 Christmas Pregnancy 40 T r o u b l e with in-laws 29

UNITS
26 26 23 20 20 12